Dramatic Nonsense,  Just Jana,  Mental Health,  Writer


Have you ever felt like you were drowning? It’s my worst fear. I would rather die in fire or from falling out of a plane that to drown. Maybe it’s because I don’t like to swim, or because I’m a Sagittarius. It’s probably because I can’t hold my breath very long and was always the first one up during Country Club Pool hold-your-breath contests.

Last night I dreamed about drowning in the Country Club Pool.

I’m pretty sure it’s because after a week of feeling like drowning, I was granted permission to “GO GENTLY WITH YOU.” (thank you, Ann)

Work is crazy. I mean, it’s Spring and I work at a wholesale nursery. It hasn’t rained in over 72 hours (a miracle) and people are itching for NEW! PRETTY! FLOWERS! AND! TREES! OMG! NOW! It’s like putting a puzzle together every day for 8 hours and you keep losing pieces and finding them and finishing the puzzle and then having a wind come by and break it all apart and having to start over.

**comes up for air**

Listen To Your Mother preparations is all-consuming in one of the best ways possible. I’ve never been a part of something so amazing. There’s so much behind the scenes stuff involved with directing/producing a live show…

And as Eminem says, “My OCD’s conking me in the head.” For me this means if everything can’t be done right and right now, I freeze and nothing gets done right or done right now. But I’m conking my OCD right back in the head. My hammer might not be as big as its is, but I’m trying.

Speaking of the show, if you’re anywhere near Atlanta, why haven’t you bought tickets? Do that. Like, NOW. The show is in less than 2 weeks. (Have you bought tickets? WHY NOT?)

**panics and comes up for air**

Did I mention life is pulling me into the riptide? Laundry piles are everywhere. Dishes are still in the sink, which I HATE more than I hate cauliflower. Dust is collecting. Pollen is adding to that dust. Homework and back-talking and sick germs never end.

We have to move at the end of June. Our lease is up and we don’t want to leave the school district but finding a rental is going to be hard and we’re not sure we want to buy right now and looking for houses that will fit all our needs is nearly impossible.

**pushes all that to the end of the to do list and comes up for air**

As I feel like I’m being pulled under, under, under, I realize that I can see the light up there. It’s bright and sends rays through the chlorinated water that burns my skin. I hear others splashing around and see that I’m getting closer to the surface. I must’ve floated to the shallow end because I can touch the ground below me, the concrete scratching my feet. My face breaks the surface of the water, and I gasp for air and feeling the sun shine on my face.

This too shall pass.

And until it does, I’ll just keep swimming – flapping my arms and coming up for air as often as I can.


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