Dramatic Nonsense,  Henryisms,  Life as an Anthoine,  School Days,  Writer

The Ace Bandage Incident

I got a call from school the other day. Monday, in fact, after I’d been gone all the previous week and NEEDED to be at work for at least 16 hours that day.

The nurse started out by saying, “It’s not an emergency” as usual. But then went on to tell me that this was the second time he had been to her office complaining about his knee hurting. Now he was dragging it. I should probably come and take him to the doctor.

She put him on the phone and he sounded pitiful. “Mom, I didn’t tell you, but I hurt it on Saturday. It didn’t hurt too bad until yesterday at lunch, but we were having a lazy day so I didn’t really tell you then. Can you come get me?”

So I went and got him. I drove 45 minutes to get him, took him immediately to Urgent Care where they looked at him and prescribed advil and rest.

He looked at the doctor and said, “But I’ll need an ace bandage, right?”

Right then I knew I’d been had. The boy just wanted an ace bandage.

I remember those days. “Mom, my ankle hurts, can I get an ace bandage? Mom, I hurt my wrist, can I get an ace bandage? Mom, my XYZ hurts, can I get an ace bandage?”

I knew how to wrap every joint on my body with precise, medical-grade precision. I could have been a sports medicine doctor at age 9. Now my son was doing the same thing. Which begs the question, “Are kids born knowing what ace bandages are?”

The doctor told him it wouldn’t really help, but he insisted. “So advil and an ace bandage will help it feel better, right?”

She finally, after looking at me, agreed that it might make it feel a little better.

Off to work we went. A 45 minute drive back so I could keep on catching up on the million things that were on my desk gave us time to discuss the fact that unless he’s got a bone sticking out of his body, blood coming out of his body, vomit coming out of his body, or a fever that is insane, he doesn’t need to have me come pick him up from school. Ever.

After dragging his leg the rest of the afternoon like he needed to have it amputated, we stopped and got him an ace bandage.

And whaddya know?

No more knee pain.

It was an ace bandage miracle!


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